I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
