I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
