is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
