If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the condom got lost in my hair
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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