I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
