allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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