Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
