You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
