The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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