I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
