Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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