better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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