someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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