maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
