Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
