I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
