only you would photoshop your dick
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, beer. Big fan.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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