Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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