I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
