My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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