He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
i need to put some appletini on your dick
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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