dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
