P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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