Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
