i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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