apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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