If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
