No stitches, just platelets and will power
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I am mentally ready for anal.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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