it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
