I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
