oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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