I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
