I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
