This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
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