Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
