What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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