We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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