all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
