is your mom at the bar?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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