True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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