rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
