During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
