It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
