We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
