Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
