I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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