There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
