How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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