I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
