its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
