you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
