i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
