i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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