and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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