sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
