I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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