whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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