Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
