Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
