While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
