Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
