Redeem this text for a blowjob
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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