In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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