hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize