honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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